had a bad day again.

I got in a car accident today.
I had no Valentine's date (for year 25 in a row).
I recently had two high school girls stay out my house, and was completely taken advantage of by the head coach. They were in the car when I had my accident.
I was fine with the accident, just a bit shaken up, until I got to practice and had to tell the two head coaches. That was the first and hopefully last time I have ever cried on that pool deck.
I'm laying low on the Tom fling-thing. (Don't worry, he's still my eye candy on deck) We'll see if he comes around. I'll put money on it that he won't make a move on his own.
This weekend I have to go to SA for a meet with Tom, and Neil.
I'm exhausted.
My douche-bag ex-roommate owes me a lot of money, and I don't think I'll ever see it.
I have already spent $1100 on this POS car this month before this accident. Ugh.

I know we all have bad days. I think I have bad weeks, or months. I hate feeling like this. Doubtful, insecure, useless, hopeless. I know I'm better than this. I know I'll be better tomorrow...until I go outside and see my car again...I'll bounce back. But tonight, tonight I mope in self pity and some chocolate covered pretzels.

All the single ladies, all the single ladies...Countdown to S.A.D

S.A.D.....Single Awareness Day, coincidentally is Feb. 14. Go figure. Do I dread a day more than Valentine's Day? (Well, besides my birthday because the numbers keep going up and up, and my maturity keeps going down and down)...no, not really. To be honest I have never, ever had a date on V-day, nor have I had a boyfriend at the time Feb. 14 rolled around. It hasn't really bothered me, and it still doesn't really, but it just makes me feel insufficient. I can knock someone out with confidence (note: confidence, NOT arrogance. I'm not a bitch, but don't stand in my way) but on that day my ego takes a hit. This brings me to my topic...are boys intimidated by a confident girl?

I've heard that boys dig a confident girl; past, present, and future experiences tell me that is not true. At work, at home, I know what I want, I know how to get it done, if I have a question I'll ask it, if I need help (ha) I will ask for it, if I can't get it I know the people that can get it for me. What's wrong with that? Life has taught me that the only person that is going to do it right is me, and if I want it done right the first time, I'd better do it. Obviously, I am either a first born, have been let down way too many times before, or both.

My Dad taught me a ton about being handy. I don't mind getting dirty, and working hard. Girls that can't hammer a nail, mow the lawn, or change a light bulb bother me...but those are the girls that have a man. It's like an oxymoron. I've tried to be that helpless girl, but it drives me nuts. I want to be in there helping to get things done...this also adds to the intimidation factor when it comes to boys. So I can play basketball and take a hit. I don't mind sweating. I love love love sports. Watching and playing. I'd rather be outside than inside. I enjoy camping, and fishing...as long as someone baits my hook (I guess I can be needy). But I love those things about me, and I refuse to compromise on them. I'm ready for someone else to see it that way too.

I suppose some of those things would make me out to be some kind of hard ass though. That is hardly the case. Once you get to know me you'll find that I'm probably one of the most funny people (in my opinion...NOT my family's) that you'll ever meet. I can be the biggest snuggle bear, and I do love my romantic comedies. (The Holiday?!)Maybe I'm hard to get to know. Nahhh.

This is slowly turning into some kind of egotistical mind fuck, so I think its best if I leave it at that.

Happy Valentine's, or S.A.D...which ever you celebrate I hope it goes down smooth, with a good chaser, and doesn't leave you with too big of a hang over come Feb. 15.

you, your sex is on fire.

Do blogs really need a topic? Betcha that title caught your eye. Don't worry, I'm not getting any. Kings of Leon has been taking over my life the last few days. I have nothing to write about...though through my ramblings I'm sure I can come up with something.

Today was one of those days where it wasn't bad, but it wasn't great either. Have you had one of these? A day where it will blend in to the abyss of forgotten yesterdays...the days where when we are counting our last hours on earth, will be the days we wish we could have back. Yup, it was one of those. An unfortunate waste. Or was it?

Sometimes I wonder why we have these kind of days. If life is so short why wouldn't God want each day to be amazingly great? It probably has something to do with US going out and making each day amazing...but who's got the energy for that? And why doesn't He make amazingness a little more obtainable? I get the whole idea of pursuing happiness...but at the same time things never really work out the way I want them to...(until years later I'll figure out why God was "keeping" those things from me...God winks, I think they are called,)...damn you instant gratification. Maybe its thoughts like this that drive people crazy.

I got caught by 2 parents wanting to bitch, and one tongue lashing email by another overly obsessed prick of a father that claims "he's not overbearing"...just like all the crazy's say. Ugh. Fucking morons. All in a day's work.

Boy update...no big changes since the party. Some sparse texting, and over flirting at practices, but I am still not sure if he hooked up with that other chick after the party. I'll admit she's cute-ish, and skinny. I'd like to think I'm cuter, smarter, older, wiser, more athletic, etc....but what does it all count for? Nothing when it comes down to it. I'm still holding out for the best, but I have moments of fear and doubt....then I see him flash one of those brilliant smiles, and I'm all mushy again. I wonder what he would do if he knew he was blogged about. LOL.

A friend of mine tagged me in one of those dreaded "25 random things" on Fbook (technically, 5 people have tagged me, I supposed I'll get around to it). She mentioned something that caught my attention. She wrote: #10. One of my biggest pitfalls is too often letting myself think life is a movie or a song. First thing, I don't think its all that bad to think of life that way. Yes, depending on the movie, or song, obvi. I only wish my life would turn out like "The Holiday", or better yet, "Anchorman". I think that music affects my life more than I care to admit. I can go from happy to sad in one song. I read way too deeply into lyrics, and I love that. Music is words that your heart can't say.

I've taken some NightQuil...Here's to pursuing happiness, believing in our hopes and dreams, and big brilliant smiles that you can lose yourself in.

mixed signals

Friday afternoon we had practice. Like we always do. We only had practice at DN. After every DN practice we always play basketball...which we also did Friday. After basketball I asked the boy where he wanted to go eat, figuring I'd get a reply like "I'm not hungry" or "I already have plans"...to my huge surprise he said yes after I got a shower and I should call him on my way downtown. I met him at his place to find him playing War Craft. haha. He played, we talked, and it was by far the best convo we have ever had. It just seemed so easy, flawless, and laid back. No awkward pauses, nothing. Early in our convo he mentioned he and his friends going to see a band, and thought it would be fun if "we" went. It was fun. I made a few small moves, and he answered back just the way he should have. My favorite was when I put my arm through his arm and he put his other hand on top of mine. hmmmm.

After the concert we ditched his friends and went back to his apt. We hung out, chatted some more, and watched some TV, and then I left. The good-bye was a smidge awkward....only because you could tell that we were both thinking "how is this going to go down" and there was a small pause then his arms went big and I got a big hug...It's a start. I think his friends liked me. We had some good laughs, danced, and over all I think a good impression was made.

There was a party tonight that the both of us were invited to. We went separately and I arrived fashionably late, looking just about as cute as it gets....mini dress and boots. Hot. I spotted him immediately,and I kind of figured he saw me too, and casually mingled...I didn't want to seem too anxious. I eventually made my way over to him at the beer pong table to say my hello's. I got a big hug..again...and we both continued to dance/drink/play beer pong. At one point we both were dancing, hands all over each other...in a clean way...He kept drinking...and we ended up on the couch together, arms entangled, legs touching.His best friend was sitting on the other side of him, so I was pretty pumped he didn't mind that we were touching.He asked where I had been all night all dressed up, and why I got there so late, and then he said something interesting. He said he knows I have other agenda's but I should make time for a little "T" everyday. I told him I saved the party for last because I knew he'd be there...saving the best for last, and he was the icing to my cake.

I went to go get another drink after some more dancing and the another girl goes in for the kill..who I had my eye on for some time because we look very similar (she's like 30 pounds lighter). She likes him when its convenient. What was amusing is that every single one of his closest friends, who are rooting for he and I to get together, was trying to get her hooked up with someone else, or trying to get her away from him. I kept my eye on them...like ANY girl would. I didn't see a kiss, but his arm was around her, and she was hanging all over him. But at the same time he didn't look all that into it. (or maybe that's my wishful thinking) At one point I saw her grab his hand and lead him to her room, but he stood in the door way, then the lights went out and I couldn't see anymore.

I ended up leaving soon after that because I didn't want to watch things go down, and the party was winding down anyhow.

I think on Monday when I see him I will tell him that of all the people I saw Saturday night, he was the only one I wanted to see. He's the icing on my cake. I want to be the girl that rolls for him on his War Craft game. Silly boys. Games are for kids.

PS...I saw her trying to play one of your teammates when you weren't "looking."