These Feelings Won't Go Away

"Music is what feelings sound like." Man, I could listen to music for hours. Maybe even days. There is so much to be said for a 3 minute song that can take you to different corners of your mind. I relate songs to so many different memories of my life. I relate certain songs to different boys: (Mikey: you get Tarantula, Gregg: Waiting on an Angel, T: Somebody Like You). I relate songs to family members...Kel: Mud on the Tires, Dad: Amazing Grace, Mom: 500 Miles.

I have my chill music....Ben Harper, Jack Johnson, Kenny Chesney, Patty Griffin, Damien Rice, Jimmy Buffet. I have my gangsta music (lol)...JayZ, Kanye, Salt-N-Pepa, Nelly (jump in your way back machines), and basically anything on Jock Jams volume 1&2. I have my oldies...Chuck Berry, CCR, Beach Boys, and whatever my Dad throws on his mixes he likes to send me. I have my country....Garth, Dierks Bently, Brad, Kenny. I have my alt/grunge/punk side too....Linkin Park, Pearl Jam, Boys Like Girls, Tool, Radiohead. I even listen to instrumental stuff when I'm trying to sleep. There are thousands of songs that fit into different genre's. I think you get the picture. I have very, very diverse music taste.

Once in a while, if I'm in one of those I-need-a-sign moods, the first song that comes on in the car is the one that gives me an "answer". Literally, I take the lyrics and try to figure out why it was played at that exact time in my life. Unless its one of those lame, over-played, stupid pop songs. Then I give myself a chance... one channel change and whatever that song is gets to be my "life map" for the time being.....boy do I like it when "Sex on Fire" comes on. LOL....too bad that life map goes up in flames (pun intended). Nonetheless its a game I like to play. Ohhhh and you better believe that if there are two good songs back to back its some kind of magical sign from the Big Guy upstairs. He knows. I've noticed more and more lately what a sense of humor that Guy has.

My Dad has amazing taste in music. It is very diverse too; though his tends to be more old, old, old stuff. But I think that's where I get it. He would always put music on when we would clean the house together (he's also the one that gave me my house cleaning OCD). He takes his little radio out when we would wash the cars, or do lawn work, or go fishing. He'd always have it on when we were working on houses together, or relaxing on the beach with bonfires. That is one amazing man right there. I hope that I am a quarter of that.

You don't know the greatness you are/Cause Blue Eyes/You are destiny's scene/Cause Blue Eyes/I just wanna be the one"

"These feelings won't go away/They've been knockin' me sideways/They've been knockin' me out, babe/Whenever you come around me"

Don't Know What You Got (Til Its Gone)

A friend of mine came up to me today virtually bubbling over, telling me she has something to tell me. She is the water polo coach at UT and they had just made it to nationals. I thought it had something to do with that. She told me it was about T. I got nervous because usually it isn't good news. My stomach dropped. She said that she was talking with him before practice the other day. He mentioned that I was helping out with his groups. Karen piped up and said 'so are y'all dating yet or what?' Apparently he got this silly smile on his face and shrugged his shoulders. He proceeded to not deny liking me (note: this is a second hand story), but said that he felt it might be awkward since we worked together. Karen replied that almost 50% of relationships come from the work place, a friend of T's commented that 50% are messed up. She said that was no way to look at a possible relationship, and that if that was the only thing holding him back then that was silly. She also mentioned how we are grown up, responsible adults that could easily set boundaries for the work place if need be. She then told him that he needs to find another job. Ha

I'm not sure what his response was to all that, but if I know T the way I do, I'm sure there was some shifty eye movement and head nodding. Ha. I'm glad that Karen stepped up and said something. Someone needed to kick him in the pants. At the very least I know he has thought about it. Which in some twisted way means that he's thought about me, and maybe I'm not that ugly duckling I thought, he thought, I was. Maybe. (Or maybe it has something to do with my amazingly athletic abilities...LOL!)

I know, my darling readers, that you are just about as sick of reading about this cat and mouse game, as I am of writing about it. Unfortunately, this is a boy I see day in and day out, I've had a crush on him since the get go, and I'm still not tired of him. There have been other guys, but the truth of the matter is a small part of me always felt guilty...even when I was (very unsuccessfully) trying to quit my T addiction.

His actions, after I made a fuss about leaving the team, make sense now. He doesn't want to date me while we work together. I guess I can understand that. Some days I don't want to work with me. Ha.

Not sure where things are going to go from here. I surely do not want to scare him off, which I always worry about it him. My first thought was to ask him out on a Saturday morning breakfast date to Taco C....since he was in line behind me last week, and we basically go there every morning practice anyways. Keep It Simple Stupid.

But for now, I'm going to bask in the story that made my day. He might, kinda, sorta, maybe, likes me. At least I know people are pulling for me. C'mon T!

There’s still hope between the dreams/The weight of it all could blow away with a breeze/But if you’re waiting on the wind/Don’t forget to breathe

Let It Be Me

I really think I've been too busy and stressed to think lately. I can always come up with some word vomit for my faithful readers though. It's been a while so here's a quick recap: I ended up having to take one of those girls to the ER for a double ear infection, a sinus infection,and pink eye. Nurse Betty was back in action. After those girls left I have never ever felt so relieved in my life. Since their departure our Head Coach has asked me to come in and help Tuesday, Thursday, Saturday mornings...which completely fucks up my schedule. I'm already on a terrible sleeping pattern without the added stress of getting up at 4:15AM...believe me it sucks when you can't get to sleep until well after 2. The extra hours are a nice bonus....until I found out that Dickweed Doug is opening a national search for an Associate Head Coach...Waiittt a second; what about the hiring and salary freeze, Doug? Ooh...you got an exemption? And your current staff is....?? What?? Chopped Liver? I'm what?... Wasting my time? Ooh, and I'm not good enough? Aw, you're swell Dougie Fresh. You big bastard. It honestly makes me feel like the last five years have been a colossal waste of time.

I was quite frustrated one day at practice and blurted out something to Tom and Neil that I probably shouldn't have. It was something along the lines of "He's a dick, I'm officially looking for a new job." Oddly enough it took an adverse affect with Tom...since then he has gone out of his way to say Please, Thank you, ask for my opinion, swim next to me, we've had civil convo's, he's made sure I was involved in decisions, and he I even got a kind of invite to his families ranch sometime this summer. I'm still trying to quit him. But I'm not going out cold turkey.


I did get to have an amazing convo with Kris this week. He will never know what a mentor he has been for me. He is down right hilarious, and full of great wisdom though the man will never give you a straight answer because he wants you to do whats best for you. He did tell me about a little story about Randy. He told me that Randy was talking about me in the men's office one day. The long and the short of it was that Randy really admired me, my work, and my willingness to help out. I had no idea Randy even really knew my name so it was quite nice to hear this compliment. Maybe Kris was telling me to call Randy up and make Clearwater, FL my new residence.

I've also had an old college ex-boyfriend of mine texting the crap outta me lately, saying the the weirdest stuff. I eventually stopped answering back. His last text was "I'm coming to Austin." Yikes. No thanks. He was a compulsive liar, huge druggie, and into steroids....all this I found out after we stopped dating. Hmmmmm. I'd like to think I am way older and wiser. He's also a contributor to my ridiculously high standards.

Along the same lines another weird incident happened while T and I went over to a guys house to watch Final Four games. The guy and I work together. He said we could come over, drink, watch the games, and order pizza. Sounds fun enough. It happened to be the same day that the girls left and I was already exhausted and in a not so good mood. I fell asleep on the floor of his apt after one beer. Thank goodness T was there. I woke up and had a text from him saying "I wish T would leave so we could hang out"...creepy...so at that point I was looking for any excuse to get out of there. But the texts kept-a-comin. "you can stay, I'll wake you up in the morning," "why can't we ever hang out alone", etc. Ewwwwwwww. I immediately left. Poor T.

I tried to give him (as I do everyone) the benefit of the doubt. But he wasn't drunk. I have never given off any vibe to him...duh....because of the OTHER coach I tend to send my vibes to. There was no reason for his actions. This has happened once before but he was beyond wasted, and looking for anything to hump on. I guess I should have learned my lesson then. Needless to say, its semi-awkward at work. Ha.

Lets see...what else...I had Easter with my suroggate fam, saw Fast and Furious (amazzzingg..ly yummy), got my taxes done and broke even (Thank God), and also had my identity stolen on one of my bank accounts. Wahoo.

I guess I did find something to talk about. Glad I got that off my chest.

There comes a time/a time in everyones life/where nothin seems to go the way/where nothin seems to turn out right/there may come a time/ya just can't seem to find your place/for every door you open/seems like you get two slammed in your face/thats when you need someone/someone that you can count on/when all your faith is gone/it feels like you can't go on/let it me be/if its a friend that you need/let it be me.