I've got a really good heart, I just can't catch a break.

Talk about a lyric speaking to you. Geesh. Ryan Adams also has another line in that song "It takes two, when it used to take one." Does that man know how to write songs to me or what? That previous line is foreshadowing.

I feel like there is a turning point coming in my life. Or something. I have had such a blase mindset lately. I couldn't give a rats ass about much of anything. I'm overly lazy, so I figure somethings has got to give. I've tried and tried to care, but it seems the more I care, the less I/ my work gets noticed. It dumb of me to keep putting my neck out there, exhausting myself for nothing, so why do it? If I can get by doing half the amount of work I usually do, why not? It seems like everyone else is that way, maybe I'll jump on that bandwagon. I just can't catch a break.

What a terrible way to think/act/be, Bridgette Jean! Your father would be so disappointed.

I had two amazing visitors this last week. Two swimmers were here for a meet. We'll call them JK (haha, that's a stretch) and Benedict. (I'm so glad no one else reads these blogs so I can later laugh at my own idiotic jokes) JK has a smile that starts with his dimples then just takes over the rest of his face, and Benedict is the quintessential southern gentleman.

Lets start from the beginning. I found out they were coming on Monday. They arrived Tuesday. When I first shook hands with JK the weirdest feeling came over me. I've tried to describe it to myself, and to a few other unwilling listeners, but the magic...? the magnitude...? the power...? of that moment was unbelievable. It literally felt like the world stopped. Something happened in that moment. I've never experienced it before. Ever. It's almost confusing. I don't know if he felt it. Whatever "it" was. Maybe he felt a little something... We hooked up a few times over the course of the week. It was either that or he really does like older women, which he mentioned. I don't know how old you have to be to be a cougar, but..... roar. (I'm hoping its one of those questions that if you have to ask you're not there yet kind of answers) And on a very, very, sad and pathetic note, he was the first one to have sex with me in my bed...I've lived here 4 1/2 years....FML.

These two boys were wise beyond their years. Way more mature than me, hands down. Quite possibly the most mature 23 year olds I have ever met. I would listen to them talk about their families... JK is the oldest boy with 3 younger sisters. To hear about him looking out for them, and protecting them from their boyfriends made my heart pitter-patter. Benedict is the protective type as well. Your all around man-of-the-house. No one is getting by him. And the kicker is these boys can't wait to find a good woman, get married, and have kids. We would be out eating and JK would see a family and comment about what a good father he will be. Benedict would call his Mom and Dad after his races and not be afraid to say "I love you" at the end of his conversations. It has been entirely too long since I've heard that come out a a guys mouth. I've always wanted to get married at some point in my life, I've never wanted kids, but after hanging out with those two for a weekend at least made me think twice. Haha.

I'd like to think that God was showing me what I was looking for. Or at the very least giving me a glimmer of hope that there are decent men out there. We didn't do much that week but eat, smoke, they swam, I coached, watched movies, they flew kites (true! lol), and I soaked in every moment. I don't think they'll ever know, or care, but man did I need that.

On a rather sad note, one of my mentors told me he was leaving Longhorn Aquatics today. He was the first guy I ever coached with down here. He's moving to Florida with Randy. I'm wicked upset about it. This will be his last week. I have learned far more from him than any other person on this team. He has given me the benefit of the doubt on many occasions, and has been my fall back person since I've started. Any problem I had he would talk me down from the ledge, make sure I was ok, and guide me through it. He has done wonders for this team, and for those kids. They have never swam so fast. I wish him and his family the best. He will be truly missed. Thank you Dave, from the bottom of my heart.